I’m tangled up. I have some decisions to make that I’ve been avoiding. I’m avoiding because I afraid I’m going to disappoint some people and I hate disappointing people.
I don’t want people to be mad or upset. So instead, I’ve spent years disappointing myself, saying yes when I really meant no, and doing it all with a smile on my face believing that was the right thing to do. This year, I’ve committed to not doing that anymore because it was costing me way too much. But right now, I’m tangled up trying to find the words to have these conversations and sit with their reactions and mine.
These types of decisions prompt an even deeper decision… do I honor what’s right for me and take responsibility only for what’s in my best interest or do I do what works for others and make sure they’re ok? I don’t like these decisions because it seems like one person wins and one loses. It can be hard to do what’s right for me but is likely to hurt, frustrate, and disappoint a few others.
That ole critic chimes in “Don’t be so selfish.” “What will people think of you?” “Why can’t you just be nicer and do what they want?” I’ve let this voice rule most of my life, until now.
Don’t get me wrong. I believe in kindness, helpfulness, and compromise. The issue is when sacrifice, going without, and subjugating become a chronic pattern and it goes too far. But where’s that magical line? And where’s the permission slip? Knowing what I have to do doesn’t make doing it any easier. Having these conversations is hard and uncomfortable, but so necessary for my well-being.
Here’s the irony… I’ve done this work for 20+ years. I teach four separate Life Coaching Courses that help people with boundaries, knowing their truth, dealing with the inner-critic, establishing boundaries. Next month, I launch not one, but two more Courses about Emotional Commodities, Boundaries, and Decision Making. Just because I teach it doesn’t mean it comes easy to me. I still get tangled. It’s not about doing this work smoothly, perfectly, or without struggle. It’s about just doing the work to the best of my ability, today. This teacher teaches that which she most needs to learn!