Determined would be the word I would use. It sounds far better than what others may describe as stubborn, unreasonable, forceful. I’ve been told, on more than one occasion, that I am a force to reckoned with. I took it as a compliment, but I’m starting to reconsider.
I am determined. I think I probably always have been. Once I make up my mind, there’s really no stopping me. Determination has been a driving force in my life and I’ve always seen it as an asset, a strength I’ve been able to rely on, especially during difficult times.
But lately, something feels different. I’ve been trying to get Life to go a certain direction and it’s refusing to cooperate. Quite frankly, Life hasn’t been very cooperative with my agenda for quite some time. I’m finding myself frustrated, bewildered, and plain exhausted by the effort it takes to get Life to go a certain way. It seems to have a mind of its own. And in case you didn’t know, Life always wins. Life always gets its way.
I’ve stepped back from my typical tendency to drive Life. I’m realizing there’s a fine line between determination and force. I’ve stepped back to see what Life might be trying to tell me. Maybe I don’t have to drive so hard. Maybe I can settle down a bit and learn to trust the process. Maybe, I don’t have to figure it all out. Maybe I could take a deep breath and just enjoy where I am, for now. It’s a foreign concept really. Sometimes it feels like defeat, failure, submission, and giving in. There’s also a fine line for that too.
I’m reminded of the old childhood adage “Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream.” Gently down the stream… what a concept. I guess I’ll give it a whirl!